How Am I Gonna COPE!?

Okay, admit it....how many of you out there unwind after a stressful week, or a stressful day with the time honored traditional coping skill known as Happy Hour? Clearly enough of us are out there doing it (and daily, I might add) as pretty much every restaurant and bar  advertises or offers it. So, why is it a focus of mine today? And what does that have to do with downsizing? Well...let me tell you!

Okay, so part of this whole let's-change-our-life thing, involves developing a budget. Now, I can't tell you how many times in our 22 years we have sat down and done this. And, honestly, in the past 8 years or so, things have been fairly great and we've been paying our bills and spending our spoils without incident.  However,  in our earlier years. I remember being so frustrated because we had a lot of trouble budgeting. It never made sense that we couldn't make it work. But, the element we were missing was not the intellect to accurately figure out our budget. No, no...it was the commitment and the willpower to stick to it! Which, we have now.....I think.

So, Dave Ramsey advises that you develop a monthly budget of your income and your outgoing. The outgoing needs to be a realistic picture of what you spend your money on.  This can be a wake up call for a lot of us out there. So, after you pay the bills, you set aside money for the necessities (gas, food) and the extras (in our case, this ranges from my hairdresser to his cigars - squeezing some pocket money and entertainment in there, too...and I mean squeezing).

At this point I think..Hmmm, I like spending money to cope with my stress. Doing this whole budget thing seriously is going to cramp my style. Or is it? Maybe it's just going to make me come up with new (possibly more healthy) ways to deal with the irritations of life. Maybe it's going to reinvent the relationship I have with my husband. And the cherry on top will be total freedom from debt.

Wow, I never cease to amaze my own ability to talk myself back into the positive side. It's not going to be easy - but it's going to be a challenge. And, a challenge breeds creativity and generally ends with accomplishment, or the worst case scenario..a lesson learned.

Having to Think

This is not intended to be a long blog today....just thought I would share what now goes through my mind when I think about things that involve money. I must admit it makes me sound a bit spoiled, and I know some of you would agree, to think I really haven't had to actually STOP and THINK about spending in a LONG time.

Before I continue with a rant in this direction, I think it's important that I just throw it out there that my husband and I are not broke. We're not doing this because we're strapped for cash and see no way out of a hopeless situation. We are actually being proactive! We are actually thinking first and then acting. We've been lucky enough to live differently for a while, now we're just wiser :)

Okay, back to the rant. So...I am sitting here thinking about a few things. Earlier, it was Christmas - gotta save for that. Then, just a moment ago, it was Diva night 2010 in Vegas...MUST save for that. Am thinking this will come from Amey's discretionary fund. Thank God I really don't spend a lot of cash during the week. The one thing I am not going to skimp on is the dentist. Wow, that's a whole 'nother blog I could write about....the dentist.

Ok, gotta go to schedule my appointment with a highly recommended dentist that is going to cost me extra money. Sorry DR (Dave Ramsey). Some things are just worth the extra money.

My First Plastic-tomy

Sounds a little scary, doesn't it? Well, to be honest, it is. Have you ever stopped for a moment to take the credit cards out of your wallet, hold them in your hands and measure emotionally what they mean to you? Or what it would feel like to purposely cut them up?

Asking that question takes me back to the day that my husband and I got our very first credit card. I remember we were having some kind of ridiculous argument that only newly married couples in their early twenties have, and in an effort to expend some energy, I went down the stairs to check the mail. That's when I saw it. That vague, nondescript white envelope that made you say, "What's this?" as you felt the square hardness of the card. And, suddenly, I was excited. I ran back upstairs, exclaiming, "We got it! We got it!" The mere fact that we were "approved" was very powerful. In fact, we forgot all about our fight. And now, looking back, it's almost as if someone was saying "You are good enough" to two people who really needed to hear that. And that, my friends, had very little to do with money.

So for me, when I think about cutting up these symbols of approval, I become immediately unsure of myself. What am I doing this for? Don't I need these? What if there's an emergency of some kind? It's for these precise reasons that I have decided to just slice and dice my Platinum Macy's card today. Somehow, I believe that many of you winced after reading that. But, folks, it must be done. We all know there's really no such thing as a Macy's emergency.

I actually have not used the card for a while - wait, I did kind of splurge on myself over Christmas when I was (supposed to be ) buying other people presents. Credit cards kind of give you those kind of ideas or that kind of permission. It's the procrastinator's dream ... "I'll just deal with that later". It's where immediate gratification and entitlement meet in a harmonious shopping experience. Plus, I feel rather important or special that I have a platinum card. And, therein lies the problem. Aren't I already important? Just for merely being born? This is what I tell my patients - so how come part of me feels like I need a credit card to prove it to the world?

I don't. So, here we go......grabbing scissors now. Done. That wasn't so bad. Rest in peace temptation. Rest in peace false symbol of my importance. Rest in peace extra money spent on interest.

Now, the other cards I am not so confident about - I'm currently awaiting an email from my husband to give me the green light. I sorta, kinda know already that he's going to instruct me to destroy them and free myself of this false security. But, I am holding on to them until I get the go ahead. In the meantime, I raise the question.....
how many plastictomies can you perform?

At least I was prepared...somewhat

This is the view from my (current) kitchen window.....not too shabby, eh? Kinda breath taking I think. And, not the worst way in the world to start your day. I've been happy and lucky to have been living in the "Galaxy" Towers now for the last two years....high atop the 19th floor, across the street from the ocean. But, just how much is this worth to me, financially speaking?

Of course, that was a tough question to even wrap my brain around because I was always too mesmerized looking out of my window(s). But, back in January, my husband posed this exact question. Being concerned that debt was eating him (us) alive, and being heavily influenced by the common sense that is Dave Ramsey on talk radio, he brought up the suggestion about downsizing. My immediate reaction was something like...."Nooooooooooooooooooooooo. How can you take me to this place and then make me leave it?!" Of course, this was internal dialogue that I had to scale down to something much less reactive.

Anyway, I would be a liar if I said it didn't hit me hard and that I was totally receptive to moving. We've moved so many times already. I was thinking, "Can't we just rent here forever?" But, much like I would remind my clients in therapy, I was thinking that little illogical tidbit straight from my emotional mind. And the emotion? Fear. Fear of loss, fear of change...all the good ones.  The one thing about me, though, is that I can assimilate ideas that I am wincing at initially. So, I asked my husband, "When do you foresee this happening?" - His answer? Around June.

Well, he brought it up a little before then (this month, in fact) and actually got me on board. What's even weirder, he's got me a little excited about the idea.  Of course, he's a great salesman. It's kind of like we're starting over, reducing our living space back to something we had when we were much younger. Of course, now, our relationship is strong and we really know how to communicate and support each other. AND, we're on the same page financially. How many couples can really say that?

So, I should have really started this blog at the actual beginning of this adventure - because, then I could have written about my incessant refreshing of craig's list listings and the roller coaster between excitement and frustration that comes along with finding a new place. But, I didn't. So, I will let this be the jumping off point. In 25 days or so, we will be fully transitioned into our new place. I am going to keep you in some suspense about the place we're now going to call home until the next time I write. Until then.....I would encourage all of you out there who are actually going to read this to think about how much you're invested in this culture of debt?